Failure and Frustration

Sometimes failure can be a good thing. Have you ever tried your best at something and your best wasn't good enough? It really sucks when you try the hardest you ever have and you still don't accomplish what you set out to do. That happened to me recently.

I had an opportunity to test with the Gallatin Sheriff Office for a job. You see, I have a pretty solid resume so I figured right there I would be good. I was then allowed to test. You have to pass each test before you can move onto the next step. So first was the written test which I passed. Then came the MPAT, a very tough obstacle course. They give you points based on how well you do. 1 point for doing it under 5.30 min. 4 points between 4.30 and 5.00 min. And 8 points if you can do it under 4.30. They made it pretty clear that the competition was fierce and if you wanted to move forward you needed to do the course under 4.30. Now, I have done the MPAT twice before. The last time I felt like I had done my best and had did it at 4.46. I was worried.

When my time came to run the course I asked God for help. I gave it my all and pushed myself more than I ever have before. By the grace of God I completed the course at 4.14. Getting 8 points, the highest you can get.

Hours latter and in much pain I limped up the stairs at the Law Center to look upon the roster of 18 candidates that would get to interview. My name was not on the list. I was really disappointed. I have a solid resume, a letter of recommendation from another police officer, I passed both tests, one of which with the most points possible and still, I did not get an interview. That sucked and I was pretty bummed for the rest of the day until I realized something really great about the situation. Well, a few something actually.

1. God is control and I am not. (Which is a good thing.)
2. If things had worked out the timing could have been awkward.
3. Even though I didn't get to move forward I have the satisfaction of knowing that not only did I try to move toward a dream, I really did my best, and I'm satisfied with that. (Not many can say as much)
4. I was disappointed.

Why is being disappointed a good thing? Because I realized it was something I really wanted. We're not upset or disappointed by things we don't care about. What I realized is that this is something I want. I care about this. Caring is a good thing. I know now more clearly and with more conviction that this is something I really want and not just on a whim. So even in failure and frustration I have joy. 

I often get the sense that Jesus is saying to me. "I want you to succeed."  Now that may not be for this or it may not look the way I want it to, but I believe it, even though I constantly forget it. So yeah, I can't give up. This set back is actually a step forward in the process of accomplishing one of my dreams and I'm thankful for that.

Have you ever tried your hardest and still didn't accomplish what you had hoped? What happened next?